Weaning Because of Cancer is Hard, Here are some Tips to Make it Easier
**This is not medical advice. If you have been diagnosed with cancer and are breastfeeding, please consult your oncologist.**
I was diagnosed with cancer when my second kid, Amira, was 6- months old. At the time, nursing occupied a lot of my daily life, between feedings, nighttime nursing, and pumping 3-4 times a day at work… It was a lot. But the truth is, I really liked breastfeeding. While I know it is hard for so many--and it was for me with my first daughter--me and my youngest quickly found our groove and breastfeeding was a sweet and quiet time for us. I nursed my older daughter, Mona, until she was 2 and naively hoped or assumed it would be the same with Amira. When I got my diagnosis, I learned quickly that I would need to wean and I’m still grieving that time cancer took from me.
I was lucky that I had a few weeks between surgery and that first chemo infusion to drop feedings. But I was holding on tight to that time together so, while I did drop feedings, I also continued to nurse Amira for comfort (mine and hers). The last time we nursed was the morning of my first chemo. When I came home that afternoon, nauseous and tired, my breasts were also rock hard with milk. I cried as I hand expressed that day, my eyes stinging from the chemo, and my heart broken from this and everything else I felt like I was losing.
A lot of nursing parents don’t have those few weeks that I did to drop a feeding every few days -- if chemo is the first leg of your treatment, you almost certainly won’t have much time at all to wean and if you’re pregnant, you may need to stop the milk from coming in soon after you deliver.
As I grieved the loss of nursing and searched for practical advice, I turned to the tried and true breastfeeding websites that had months earlier given me tips on how to increase my milk supply, how to perfect my breastfeeding hold or maximize pumping. Looking through these sites at this very different point in my breastfeeding journey, I felt a tremendous amount of shame and sadness. There was plenty of practical advice but it felt laced with judgment and, as I approached chemotherapy, I did not have the wherewithal to navigate a website full of happy moms nursing their babies.
I’m here to say: WTF. This totally sucks. You and your baby are going to get through this weaning phase but there will probably be tears from the both of you. I hope that the below advice helps you as you reach the end of this particular phase but also lets you know, you are not alone.
Milk Banks. If breastmilk is important to you, check out these milk donation sites: Human Milk Banking of North America or Mother’s Milk Bank Your local hospital or childbirth center also may have a milk bank. Milk banks usually charge by the ounce and can be prohibitively expensive. If you are comfortable, you can ask a friend to be “dairy fairy” to help source milk from your local community or check out your local Facebook group Human Milk 4 Human Babies. You need to decide for yourself if you’ll be comfortable using donated milk!
Talk to your baby. Tell your baby that you won’t be able to nurse them anymore. Tell them that you love them and that you will keep them safe and healthy and fed. It felt silly at first for me to talk to my baby but once my trusted acupuncturist suggested it, I felt so much better. Even though Amira couldn’t understand me at the time, I am confident that she felt my love and the love that was actually embedded in weaning. Talking to her was grounding for the both of us.
Drop Feedings. If possible, have another adult feed your baby from a bottle. And, if you can, (and if you’re reading this, you probably can’t), drop feedings weekly and have another adult give your baby a bottle during that time.
If you're pregnant. If you're receiving chemotherapy while pregnant and/or in the early days after your child is born, you may still be able to breastfeed. This may involve “pumping and dumping” to maintain milk production while getting rid of milk that may not be usable. Consult with your oncologist and talk to a lactation consultant at your hospital and/or La Leche League to see if it will be a possibility for you.
For those of you with a milk supply that you need to curb, here are some tips.
Hearing your baby cry may make your milk come faster and it can be uncomfortable. I don’t have advice but it’s helpful to know that you may need to ask another adult to hold your baby as your milk supply goes down.
Hand express or pump when you feel full but don’t express until your breasts feel empty. (If you have started chemotherapy or are already taking medication don’t save this milk.) Over time, your body will adapt and make less milk. If you are pregnant or have just given birth, you can request a hospital grade pump from a lactation consultant in the hospital.
A cold compress and/or cold cabbage leaves in your bra may feel soothing and help your milk go down. I bought these round freezer gel packs that can go in a bra, and one like this one that has a strap that can go over your shoulder, which I found to be the most user friendly.
Over the counter antihistamines often help to dry up a supply.
Sage tea can also help dry your supply.
If you develop a fever, talk to your doctor immediately. You may have mastitis (that can lead to something more serious) and might require antibiotics or other medications.
I still grieve this time that cancer took from me and Amira, who is now three. I know that I can’t get that time back and I’m sad about that but mostly I feel endlessly lucky that, when I couldn’t breastfeed anymore, formula kept her healthy and fed. Know that however you do it, whether through donated milk, formula, or somewhere in the middle, feeding your baby is the thing that matters most.
Haley Pollack lives in Oakland, CA with her husband, 2 children, and dog. Haley is co-founder and Executive Director of Bright Spot Network.