Getting Through Cancer Treatment with a Toddler
By Jamie Halverson
Being a parent is hard. It’s hard physically. It’s hard emotionally. It’s just plain hard. Now add cancer treatment, an energetic toddler, and potty training. And now parenting seems downright impossible, right? But as a parent with cancer, you already know that “impossible” isn’t an option… you have to just keep going, but how?
Sending our children to daycare, having family come over to help with bedtime, getting friends to play with our little ones, having someone pick up our kids from daycare/school… yes, that’d be ideal, but it’s not always possible. What do we do when we need to parent our little ones, and we have zero energy left? It’s not easy, not at all, but I do have a few suggestions to lessen the load just a bit. Check out my ideas below. Our situation is not ideal and sometimes our solutions won’t be either. Just take what is useful to you.
Screen Time: Yes, I said it… and it’s at the top of my list. For my family, it was ok to use more screen time to get us through my treatment. My toddler’s favorites were Cocomelon and Bluey, but there are so many other learning-based shows/games out there to try.
Story Time: Do you want to read bedtime books to your child, but just don’t have the energy? Check out live readings on YouTube. You could also ask your smart speaker to use ChatGPT to make up a story specifically for your child. Just tell it your child’s name and some of their favorite things and it will read you a personalized story.
Low Energy Activities: Just because you don’t have energy doesn’t mean that you don’t WANT to play with your toddler. We just have to get creative during this difficult treatment time. Find low energy activities to do with your toddler: playdough, coloring, Magna Tiles. Check out this blog post for some more ideas: Horizontal Parenting.
Step Stool: Before treatment (especially before surgeries), teach your toddler how to safely use a step stool, and then bring it with you EVERYWHERE! You might have some lifting restrictions, so lifting them into the car seat, stroller, crib, shopping cart and changing table might not be an option.
Fence Them In: I’m serious. When you’re exhausted, knowing where your child is will help you rest. Get a fenced in play area, put a gate on your deck stairs, use the highchair for meal times, hold off on the crib-to-bed transition (if it’s still safe for your little one).
Bath Time: If your little one loves bath time, take these few minutes to just breathe. Re-interest them in bath time by getting some new bath toys.
Potty Training: Oh boy… potty training. If you can hold off, do. The energy and persistence it takes to potty train a toddler can be incredibly exhausting. Do what is right for your family. If that means that your child isn’t potty trained for a couple more months, that is ok.
Robot Vacuum: These can be expensive, but incredibly helpful, especially after a messy meal time.
Ask for Help: Write a social media post, a Caring Bridge post, a blog… write something to get the word out about how people can help you. They want to help, but don’t know how. Meals (restaurant delivery, meal train, snacks for toddlers, etc) and gift cards to a local house cleaning service were at the top of my list. It might also benefit you by putting together an Amazon wish list. People want to help and they typically want guidance of what will benefit you the most. Lead them in the right direction and you’ll both be much happier for it.
Just remember, your little one just wants love from you. A little snuggle, a kiss on the cheek, a pat on the head, these are the things that will show them how much you care. You’re doing great toddler mama and dada! Hang in there!
Jamie Halverson is a mom of an energetic toddler and a beautiful baby. She is a Communication Professor at a small college in Nebraska. Jamie was diagnosed with breast cancer in July 2022, while 18 weeks pregnant. She underwent a mastectomy and chemotherapy treatment, and then delivered a healthy baby girl. Jamie is currently two months out of treatment and focusing on getting her strength back so she can do more activities with her husband and children.