People want to help you. Here are ways to let them.
People want to help you. Here are ways to let them.
Parenting little ones was tough enough on its own. Then one day, BOOM. Cancer joined that mix, uninvited.
On top of parenting and all of your other daily responsibilities, now you’re riding a seemingly-endless carousel of doctor appointments and treatments. And suddenly, everyone you’ve ever met is asking what they can do to help.
Want our best advice? Let them.
Letting people help you is a gift you can give to them. Your friends and family are concerned about you. They feel powerless. They don’t want to intrude and often don’t know what they can do to be helpful. But it’s important to realize that they WANT to help you. Think, if the tables were turned, how far you’d go to help a friend.
It’s also a gift you can give yourself. Cancer treatment takes a toll: physically, mentally, emotionally. No one wants to be a burden on friends or family, but more than likely, you’ll benefit from their help.
It may be easier to ask for help with specific tasks by having a list to share or a “care manager”: someone you trust implicitly that can organize your personal support team. A number of different websites exist that can help you share information and coordinate helpers. Some of these are: Meal Train, CaringBridge, Lotsa Helping Hands, CarePages, GoFundMe and PostHope.
It may feel hard to know what sort of help to ask for. The right answer is: anything you can think of.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
Around the house:
Change the bed sheets
Change batteries in the smoke detectors
Coordinate any needed home repairs
Do the laundry/fold & put away clothes
Take the trash out
Clean the bathrooms
Sweep/vacuum
Fix stuff (the lightbulb that went out, the clogged toilet, etc)
Hire a cleaning crew
Remember:
It’s okay to ask for help.
It’s okay to say “Yes! Thank you.” when someone offers their help.
Outside the house: (Bonus: these activities don’t require people to come inside...if you’re not up for company.)
Rake leaves
Mow the lawn
Collect your mail/packages
Shovel snow from your driveway or walkway
Put gas in your car
Take your car for an oil change or any necessary repairs
FOOD: (Yes, this gets its own category.)
Prepare/deliver meals
Go grocery shopping
Clean up/do dishes
Pack lunches for your kids
Entertainment:
Help with computer or TV/technical issues
Lend you books or magazines
Bring art projects/toys/books for your kids
Offer new TV or app subscriptions
Care for your pets:
Walk your dog
Come over to feed or play with your pets
Keep your pets in their home
Drive pets to/from boarding facilities (and/or cover costs)
Care for your kids: (This one can be tricky--save these tasks for people you know your kids are comfortable with.)
Drive kids to/from school or get them to/from the bus stop
Help with homework
Have your kids over for play-dates or sleepovers
Watch your kids/babysit
Help connect you to a local breast milk donation center
Make sure your kids have seasonally appropriate clothes & accessories (hats, scarves etc)
Fill out school forms
Take kids to after-school activities, doctor appointments, birthday parties, etc
Plan birthday parties for your kids
Care for your caregiver: (Yes, your partner and family will need some breaks too.)
Take your caregiver(s) out for meals/activities
Exercise with your caregiver
Watch kids so partner can do what they need (spend time with you, spend time alone, spend time with just one child, etc)
Care for YOU:
Keep you company
Drive/accompany you to/from appointments or treatments
Coordinate your village (set up websites, meal drop-offs, etc)
Share updates with your village on your status
Pick up your prescriptions/medications
Take walks with you or other forms of exercise (as you’re able)
Take you for a massage or other form of self-care