Parenting Big Emotions
When a parent has cancer things can really turn up at home. Your little kids’ emotions can become really big. And listen, it’s normal for the crying to be more or bigger or longer. You might face regressions like more accidents, bed wetting or increased picky eating.
Here are some tips for handling those big feelings:
If you haven’t already, talk to your child about your cancer. Oftentimes kids’ behaviors are a result of being confused or scared, so telling them what’s going on will help them feel less worried.
Talk about feelings and remember all feelings are valid. Try something like “It’s okay to be scared” or “It’s normal to feel sad.” Always leave room for the emotions, but set limits on how they can be expressed. For example, “You can feel mad, but you cannot throw/hit when you feel angry.” Always help kids find appropriate ways to feel their feelings: “When you are mad, you can punch a pillow/stomp your feet/count to 10.”
Try some simple mindfulness exercises (for you and them!). Even something like breathing in and out for 3 seconds with your kid can be a simple calming activity to do together. Check out more fun breathing exercises for kids here!
Show up for your kids and let them know you see them. Try to spend at least 10 minutes a day giving them your full attention, allowing them to direct the activity. This special time reinforces security, attachment, and your unique bond.
Just because it is normal doesn’t mean it is easy.
Here some additional Bright Spot Network resources to help:
Webinar: Parenting Big Emotions: Parenting with Cancer and Beyond.
Blog: Calming Big Emotions: Using Self-Soothing Tools like Double Breath and Guided Imagery for Kids
Here are some additional resources to help.
Recommended books for emotional awareness and healthy coping
Daniel Siegel’s Hand Brain model (to help us, and kids, know when we are about to flip our lids!)