By S.U., who believes in possibilities

As I reflected on what it means to prepare for a life where I don’t exist, but one that I want to proactively define and be there for my loved ones, my experience ranged from emotional to practical, intangible to tactical.

I want to share my experience and to do so, I want to take you along with me on a journey of how I planned and prepared for a life where my footprint and presence is around to give strength and love to loved ones. 

For me, this journey started when I learned that breast cancer is back for the 3rd time and it came back with vengeance, identified as stage 4. This meant that the meds I was on did not work as expected and the cancer had spread outside the primary organ. I underwent surgery and started chemotherapy which I have to take forever to make sure that the cancer does not become active again. Every chemo cycle resulted in different kinds of side effects and the journey became more unpredictable. This is when I realized that nobody knows what the future holds. Neither do I, but what I know is that the runway of life might end anytime.

With this realization came the desire to provide my loved ones with all things I have to offer.

And the journey began.

I am blessed with a family who cares and is my pillar of strength. I live with my husband and my son. My son turned 6 this year and is highly energetic, curious and kind. My husband is the one who gives me hope, courage to stay the course, look for the possibilities and makes me live in the present. His calm aura and practical perspective towards life has kept me grounded. All my family members are with me when needed and give me space when all I want is to be by myself. 

As I reflected on my life and path forward, my thought process centered around my son and I was flooded with tons of questions; What do I want him to know? What values would guide him? How is he taken care of and by whom? What should his belief system be? How does he become an individual who defines himself and is comfortable with who he is and yet, learns ways to deal with uncertainties of life with courage and compassion.

To answer all these questions, I started by creating a memory box with all artifacts that I have gathered over my life. I have done a few things over the course of time to empower him with tools which will be his guiding lights. I have created a yearly photo book of him with all key events of his life which would remind him of all things that define him. I have been reading to him every day since the day he was born and as a result of this, books have become his solace and companion. These are tangible assets which help him connect with real life. 

On the emotional front, I have had long conversations with my husband on defining answers for questions related to the upbringing of my son. For example - How to empower him to believe in himself? How to accept failures as learnings and focus on finding a path forward? To help him realize that it is ok to feel all different emotions and not rush to make oneself feel better?  We both are aligned on the values we want our son to inhabit. This gives me comfort that he will be cared for with the same love and dignity as I would have.

During this process, I also realized that you can’t prepare for all things. No matter how much you try, life is meant to be full of surprises and challenges and you have to figure out a way through situations when they happen. All you need to know are options and then, choose the best ones that you are able to execute and live through at that point in time and for the rest of your life.

With this realization, I feel satisfied that at a certain stage, it doesn’t matter what I leave behind and how, all that matters is in the present. What matters is what I am learning today and sharing. Am I being present? Am I being the self I want my son, my husband, my family and my friends, my loved ones and others to remember? 

If the answer is yes, then I have done things right and the way I would want to be carried forward.

As I was going through this, the following poem resonated with my realization of what journey will be beyond me :

When I Am Gone BY SHEL SILVERSTEIN

When I am gone what will you do?
Who will write and draw for you?
Someone smarter—someone new?
Someone better—maybe YOU!

About the Author:

“I am a mother of a 6 year old son and married to a wonderful person. I am a full-time working professional who loves the difference I make at the workplace and ultimately to the whole world by delivering impactful products. I am a 3-time breast cancer survivor.  I am currently in remission and receive chemo every few weeks. During the course of my treatment, I have undergone multiple surgeries and taken many cycles of chemo and radiation. It has been tough and at times very challenging. At such times, my family, friends, and well-wishers give me strength to keep going. I believe that life is beautiful and no matter what it offers, every moment is worth living and giving your best.” — S.U.