Finding Strength in Letter Writing
It’s January 2021 and we are again driving to Los Angeles from northern California. This will be a longer stay, over ten days. Jess is signing up for a new clinical trial and she will be getting her first lung ablation. The car is packed full of food for the entire stay due to COVID concerns of food shopping. The car is also full of empty cards and boxes for a legacy project Jess is planning on working on while we spend time away from our 3 kids. Our 3 kids usually stay home on these trips. It will give Jess lots of time to focus on this daunting task.
Jess worked on her legacy project in parallel with a friend through texts and chats. They bounced ideas off of each other, laughed and cried together. Through this entire process I was in a different room, telecommuting the whole time. I could see the toll this effort took on Jess at the end of the day, but when her work was complete I could see a sense of relief, a peace of knowing that our children’s birthdays, graduations, marriages, and first homes would all have a kind word directly from mom. She would not let her passing destroy us, it became her mission to make sure we all experienced joy again.
What exactly did Jess accomplish? Well to be honest I don’t know the full extent of it, just a basic concept and certainly not the breadth of her work. I know she wrote personal messages for many birthdays to come, several for the next few years and then the big ones, 16, 18 and 21. She wrote graduation cards and marriage cards with incredible heartfelt messages. I have not seen any of them. I have only seen the few we have opened since Jess passed. Jess gave me a calendar on when to hand out each item. She took her time on each card and spoke to the kids as if she would be there with them for each experience, and each time we read one, we feel her presence.
Jess also created what we have coined “Mom boxes”. For the first year after she passed Jess created a box of experiences for each month. I’m not sure where she came up with this idea, but they are wonderful. Our family loves traditions and Jess used these traditions as her outline. Each month we get to take Jess along with us on each adventure she creates for us whether it be apple picking in the fall, rock climbing or the Nutcracker near Christmas. These boxes get us out, get us laughing, and they get us talking about mom and remembering how wonderful she was and still is because of these gifts. Jess told me to let these boxes guide us through our first year.
After we returned home from Los Angeles we packed up all of her work in bins and they sat for 18 months. Some cards between Jess’ passing were not used, but we kept them as achievements, always trying so hard to make it to the next milestone. Near the end, Jess felt a deep seated dread in things undone and she asked for help to finish out a few items that were still undone. Jess allowed me to pick out a few gift items for birthdays and to Jess it felt like a passing of the torch, it brought her peace to know that I would carry on where she could no longer.
I believe Jess found the strength to write each card and plan each box by knowing we would hold her words dear to us in our hearts as we hold her in our hearts everyday. In the end it brought her peace.
- Justin Buscho loving husband of Jessica Buscho (Tenacious_Jess on social media, Stage IV Colorectal Cancer Angel)